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Pseudo Living

So, I have been observing this trend in human behavior for quite some time now. It is coming repeatedly on my face and somewhere made me think about it. Hence, I decided to talk about it, though it might look like off track or not go well with few, but I am initiating any which way.

This ‘new way’ of living, which is kind of exhausting and debilitating, where we are ‘trying’ to be nice almost all the time, on virtual platform, of course! Where we are always driven by the need to ‘show up’, where we are putting ‘unsuccessful’ effort to fit in, where we cannot afford to have any vulnerabilities, any flip or not so beautiful side of us!

Especially, from the time this pandemic has started, a kind of desperation is visible on virtual platform, social media, we all are feeling this need of giving some gyaan, share something or else. Most of the time, with a disclaimer either highlighted or veiled that it is all for a good cause, with a purpose to give back, or just an intention to share; and it seems all good!

No problem at all in that!

But here the question arises…

Are we all really what we ‘display’ ourselves to be on virtual world? Yes, it is a display of pseudo-self!  Is the purpose here only of giving?

Or, We wish to do good so that we can tell others about it? We talk about principles, standards and ethics, so that we can make our presence felt? We want knowledge to show others that we have knowledge?

It is amusing how we all wants to optimize on this time.

But, have we ever taken a pause and think if our action can also have any adverse impact on someone- especially to those who are already emotionally vulnerable, susceptible and unstable during this time and lockdown?

Those ‘ignorant’ lot who are not able to contribute to this rat race or not able to take advantage of all these gyaan available, they end up feeling themselves as worthless, duds who are missing on to life, lacking something really major…and all of these are creating major exhaustion, self- doubt and a fear of missing out!

Sensitivity, empathy, genuineness and intelligence are being measured on the face value, on how much one can blow his/ her own horn and get the validation.

On the other hand, the fair amount of knowledge that we have acquired to show others, are making us full of ourselves. Ok, nothing bad in this but isn’t this limited knowledge unknowingly making us braggers, making us forget humility and taking us off the ground.

Are we literally living this – “Do dikhta hai, wo bikta hai”

Isn’t it true that Knowledge speaks of itself, one doesn’t need to flash it!

Another trend which is not exactly new but is certainly becoming riskier, at least for some people, wherein everyone on the social platform seems to be highly proactive, sensitive, and, attuned to others’ emotions. Where it has become a necessity to like, respond, and revert on each and every message comes across, else you ought to be labelled as one rude, insensitive, and un-empathetic soul, who would be brutally isolated and ignored.

Are humanities, genuineness, sensitivities going to be counted and dependent on these trends?

Do we follow the same rule-book, have the same mindset when it comes to our loved ones and the people we are living with? Do we feel the need to be available to them emotionally? Do we care to spend the same amount of ‘quality’ time, we spend virtually with people? Do we listen and respond to everything they say or don’t say, the way we do on virtual platform? We want to spend time with people virtually, are we able to see if someone, living with us, also need our time the same way?

What are we trying to prove? Why and what is this need of living a Pseudo Life?

Aren’t these getting bit dangerous for us, the human beings?

Are we living a genuine and honest life when we measure us and our worth against our social media presence, against the number of likes and responses we receive?

Where is it taking us? Are we starting to value us based on these virtual terms?

Now, let us also look at the other side of it and try to dig a bit deeper…

If someone does all of it plainly for business purpose, promotion and branding…fair enough, rather perfect!

We have all the reasons and rights to do so, we have to earn our bread and butter and in current scenario, the major part of our bread and butter are going to come from here.

But is it helpful or constructive when we end up doing all of it in the disguise of giving, sharing and being ‘very’ nice…wherein somewhere we end up making others feel incompetent or doubt their own integrity or genuineness as good human being?

And, does reading few books or acquiring some knowledge make one highly intellectual or accomplished? May be the next person, I am dealing with, is a highly accomplished one, who has much more to give than I can even imagine and he is also doing his bit even without letting anyone know.

We live in a society and it becomes kind of our responsibility to also think about the well- being of fellow human beings.

Won’t it be ok, rather absolutely fine, if we come out of this current phase simply a little more emotionally resilient, genuine and loving human being but without any new skills or deep realization?

Can we stop it from becoming a competitive dangerous game? A rat race?

Can we stop an imposed, Pseudo Living?

We need to understand that each individual has the capacity and tendency to become a fully functional human being which is intrinsic, happens through self- growth. We wish change and that happens internally.

Wish to end this with quote of Sri Ramana MaharshiSilence is the language of the Self and the most perfect teaching.

Disclaimer: the ‘sole’ purpose of this article is not to ‘sale’ the writer!

 

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My Inward Journey of Eight Days !

MY JOURNEY ALONGWITH THE WOMEN LEADERS OF MAHARASHTRA-

AS A COACH AND AS A CO-LEARNER !

This has been a journey of transformation for me and here is my little effort to pay tribute to the REAL Heroes of our society!

It all started the day I got to know that I am one of the Leadership Coaches who is going to coach and guide a group of women leaders of Maharashtra, mostly from rural part.

This made me feel very happy and elated with a pinch of pride that I am going to coach those women leaders who are playing a significant role in social and economic empowerment of women.

Next, I get an invitation to join eight days residential program where I was going to be spending my days with those women leaders. The days were precisely designed to work and support them in designing the clear vision and goal for themselves, their organization and to guide, observe them closely.

These are the terrific women from all rural parts of Maharashtra who have been working tirelessly for the empowerment of women. All of them might not be highly educated in terms of formal education but they are highly educated and qualified as human beings. They understand the value of life, of dignity, of respect and that is what compelled them to take a decision to change the state of women in their society. That probably was the turning point of their lives where they got the courage to start their journey of undying perseverance.

They started the journey solo, with no support but only hostility. The first and strongest opposition came from their own family wherein they had been threatened, humiliated, abused, and discouraged in all possible ways so that they abandon the mission they were determined to take. Their character and characteristic both were questioned but that could not deter them, in fact, that made their determination and willpower stronger and they decided to let all the allegations and questions be answered not in words but by their Actions!

Nothing could dissuade them, stop them! They stood strongly against all odds as they understood that it was the high time for them to do so, it was either Now or Never.

And the journey began which exuded faith and absorbed fire!

They used that fire to eradicate the darkness from society where women were invisible in darkness.

Slowly and steadily, the fire started to spread and soon became wildfire and those women saw light for the first time in their life.

The fire spread further and reached farther till it was acknowledged, accepted and respected by one and all starting from the Family, Society, Gram Sabha, Gram Panchayat, to local Governance body and they had to sit up and take notice, change the rules and regulations towards women.

I specifically want to mention one of the activity among many, which I remember distinctly and had a very deep impact on me wherein they had to depict the picture of women in their society through pictures and few phrases.

And, I could not comprehend, could not even breathe, and felt so suffocated when I saw what they depicted: faceless, limbless women used ‘only’ as an object, made to live in shame, guilt for their existence and that was the stark and crude reality of the society where they are living!

I was under a state of shock, would have never known it- had I not encountered these women. They have brought me one step closer to the reality.

At that time, I realized how privileged we are having all the amenities, comfort, safety available to us and then also we complain and look for all the possible reason and hitches for not taking up a responsibility to create a change, a vision and reach the goal wherein these women had nothing working in their favour and they changed everything from that place and created the desired change.

These women are so sure, confident and comfortable in their own skin, their language, culture, values and systems. They never forgo their own identity or got lost in the flow of time, which became their biggest strength in my view.

This entire 8 days had been a personal inward journey for me where I learnt so much from these women. It was so inspiring to see them working on their vision and goal. They did not shy away from spreading their wings, establishing their individualities, their identities, letting the world know that they have by all means their foot firmly on ground and they have the equal right to have space for themselves to stand on their own two feet, that they do not need to restrict themselves, shrink themselves but to establish themselves.

Spending days with those leaders, changed my entire perspective towards them, myself, society and nation.

By the end of it, I see asking few questions to myself: These women started alone, unaccompanied and now they are change makers. How many times we get up to take the first step, the ownership for the change we want?

We always hear ourselves saying: how can I do something alone? I cannot change the systems, I do not have the power, This is not in my hand, etc.. etc..

I got reaffirmation to my faith that nothing is impossible, only if, one has the belief and determination and attitude to never give up !

No effort, however futile it might seem, ever go waste !

One just needs undying determination and will power to fulfil any dream and reach to the goal they envisaged. Lot of learning from these Heroes !

At the same time, I realised my huge responsibility of coaching, guiding, mentoring them and help them to sharpen themselves as better leaders, support them in continuously realising and actualising their unlimited potential.

As leaders, few aspects are very important to learn and understand to make this revolution a sustainable one.

Few points where focus is needed: To be organized, Having clear cut Vision and Goal to achieve, Time management, More knowledge and awareness, Knowing the roots of Indian values and culture, Creating sustainable path and systems and Preparing more and more leaders who can become support systems and carry this huge responsibility.

Overall, It has been the most humbling, gratifying and enriching experience of my life so far !

Open Secret to a Healthy, Happy and Successful Marriage

“If I get married, I want to be very married.”

Yes, this quote says it all!

Marriage is to keep forever! But it does not happen on its own; it is not an automatic process. Marriage is always a work in progress.

Each day is a new one. You are not the same person what you were yesterday, neither is your partner then how could a relationship will remain the same with each passing days?

One has to work each day to keep marriage intact- It is not easy, it is very tough but you still want to do it because you want your marriage to work, because you want to keep it forever, because you married this person… you had reason and you have reason.

Happy is the marriage in which you find a true friend. How true is this! Only if we could understand the deeper meaning of this.

Be a friend to your partner before becoming anything else, no relation or bonding is stronger than the bonding of friendship which brings forth an unconditional and strong love.

Communication is the key. It opens and keeps all doors open- forever!

It is said: “It can’t get lonelier than spending your life with someone you can’t talk to, or worse, someone you can’t be silent with.” So both, verbal as well as non- verbal, communications are equally important.

Talk every day, even if it is for a short while. Also, just sit and spend time in stillness every day.

Don’t lose your individuality. You lived your life as an individual with your unique identity till you got married and it is not practically possible to dissolve yourself, your uniqueness, and, become someone else. Keep your individuality intact.

You are not born with this relation. Marriages are made. It is made up of trust, love and then the eternal bonding. Hence each day you have to nurture it with the (self) belief that it is here to stay, to flourish.  There is nothing ‘given’ in this relation and you cannot afford to take it for granted.

Give space to each- other. Be together but always give space to one another. Enjoy the life together but also have “Me” time. Clinging is suffocating. Have your own set of friends, pursue a hobby of your choice, and once in a while go on trips separately. You would want more of each- other when you give space to each other. A bit of distance brings more closeness and it keeps the romance alive.

Love is never binding, to love someone is to give freedom and have faith in ‘self’. Walk together yet not too close to stumble. A strong structure stands on pillars but strength comes only when the pillars stand apart.

It is more than equality. It is said; marriage is about equality and both the partners have to put equal effort, contribute equally to keep the marriage successful.

But the truth seems to be something very different. It is never about equal effort or same amount of contribution. It is like a see- saw. Someone puts the other on higher pedestal, someone falls in love first, someone works harder to keep things normal and going, someone adjust more, someone adapt more easily, someone let the other have the way. It is much more than being equal.

Accept the person as a whole. When you enter into the relationship, you look at and fall for all the perfect aspects of the personality of your partner and that is a normal human phenomenon.

Know that anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that is not what it is or should be. Are you ready to accept the flaws as well? Your marriage is successful when you understand the fact that no one is perfect and that includes you as well, along with your partner.

Maintain a balance. Keep a proper balance in work and life, social and personal life, friends and family life. Ensure to have balanced approach in all facet of life in order to keep your marriage strong.

Agree to disagree. You do not need to agree to everything your partner says; neither have to disagree to everything your partner says. It is a sign of mature relation where you can have a healthy discussion without getting offended, and, disagree with your partner without any fear. It is OK to fight.

Own it. Indian marriages do not happen between two individuals, it happens between two families. Along with your partner, own the family as well- the recipe of a healthy marriage. And own it rightfully! Remember, none of you are doing any favor to the other one.

You are not in a competition. You are into a marriage and that can be an alliance, a coalition but not a competition. You have come together to get more from life, to make your journey more beautiful and meaningful. The competitiveness in marriage is surely going to mar it. So watch it.

Love your partner before your kids. Yes, your partner comes before your kids. By doing this, you set a right example for your kids, they learn to respect and value relationships. By loving your partner first, you are raising a kid who knows what a loving, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like.

Have intimate moments as often as possible. This is the golden rule of successful marriage which normally couple tend to ignore after few years of marriage. Never let those special and intimate moments go off from your life. Steal, beg, borrow- do whatever it takes to have “those” moments. You don’t always need to plan or have time for them, at times let it be unplanned, spontaneous to keep the spark on.

DO NOT try to change the other. Know that any change starts from self. Instead of trying to change your partner, put that effort in self. Seeing you doing, willingly without any expectation, might make your partner also do the same (in most likelihood). There is always scope for improvement, so improve and become a better version of yourself- for sake of a healthy relationship!

Drop the ego. This is one thing always ‘missing’ in a healthy and successful relationship. Ego has not done any good to anyone ever. Understand that the person and relationship is anytime more important than keeping an ego and destroy them all.

Discuss your finances with each other. Always! Share your views on finances, your spending pattern, and, your views on investments. Plan your monthly and annual budget together. In today’s time, finance plays a very crucial role in marital relation. Your relation with money will define (in majority if not entirely) your relation with your partner.

Make Humor and fun an integral part. Life does not take itself seriously. Being serious will not change anything or bring solution to any challenges but facing them with humor will! It is very important to look for opportunities to have fun in life, go on vacation, travel together, watch movies together, watch comedy shows together: just have fun in any and every smallest of things.

Respect your partner. Keep the respect and sanctity of marriage by giving respect to your partner. Especially, in no circumstance humiliate or disrespect or make fun of your partner in front of others. Each one has their own dignity and value and you ought to value the value of the relationship.

 

 

Being with a Purpose…

This is the post excerpt.

I am a being who is compassionate about fellow human beings and I believe, that like everyone else, I too have a purpose: A Big Purpose!!

And I am quite passionate about my purpose!

As a psychologist, LIFE Coach and above all that, as a human being; my purpose is to create positive changes in lives of people, be a support to them in their finding of themselves and lend a hand in the journey of lives to make them reach where they are ought to reach.

At the same time, I do understand that I am a very small ripple in the big ocean; but I also believe that ripple does make an impact!

I am passionate about LIFE!!

And that is why I am here; using this platform to express and share my learning, knowledge, wisdom and everything I have learned and which I wish to share with YOU !

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PINK…some traces of grey 

This is my first public post…completely raw…completely unedited !! Bear with it! 🙂

​Many thoughts going on in mind….so i thought lemme try putting them into words.

Discussion about the movie PINk is going on everywhere…on all the platforms, social media, etc..etc… and as all have been saying n agreeing that it’s an awesome movie and so do I!  I also watched this movie and it brought so many mixed thoughts to me. 

We all r appreciating the movie, the subject, the way it’s presented…all of them. 

But here, one question coming to my mind is that… are we really and genuinely accepting and agreeing to whatever is shown in the movie ? Do we not… as a male, female, family, friends, as an individual… say n feel n get judgemental by the way a female presents herself ? If a  female is wearing short dresses, drinking openly, going out late nights, “trying” to live her life on her terms then very conveniently don’t we make a particular image about them ?

We put our opinions proudly…This is not the way a female should behave and conduct herself, it’s not a sign of good cultured family, they should “conduct themselves” properly…blah blah blah !!

 And, God forbid, if something goes wrong…then there we are !! Ready to pounce … immediately and unhesitatingly we put our remarks n say “ye toh hona hi tha” apni society me aise thodi na chalta hai ! Being female, thoda toh tarike se rehna padta hai! …n all n all n all ! 

The same set of people who r clapping n appreciating the movie would raise eyebrows n pass their precious comments when someone in their vicinity exhibit such behaviour…the same set of people would not approve and not let the same behaviour n attitude n lifestyle be adopted by their wives, girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc…!!

At that point in time, the same people would say…it all looks good on screen..but in reality such thing doesn’t happen. We have to ensure safety of “Our females”. This is real life.. not a movie! 

The same set of people would change their opinions according to the cloths a female is wearing !

Yes, its easier said than done…it’s high time…say what u believe in!! Don’t try to show something which you are not ! Let’s not have a double standard !! Let’s try being original…leaving behind the herd mentality!! 

Signing off with some food for thought  for u all to ponder upon !!